In the hospital, Eve again reminded Julian that he can't get erect or else he'd die. "Little Julian could've just popped off!" she explained. Esme was relieved that didn't happen. "I'd hate to be the reason people called you 'Stumpy,'" she sighed. Julian was frustrated, but Eve assured him that they could perform corrective surgery. "It's going to be very hard for me," he whined. "I suggest you phrase that differently," Eve cracked. Later, Julian read a nature magazine and had a dream about his penis. In it, he held a fishing rod in the appropriate spot, and then Rebecca, Eve and Esme all arrived, dressed in skimpy outfits. The ladies fought over who got to be with the "Big Kahuna." When he awakened, Julian tried to stay "uninterested" by watching TV, but found that the tube had nothing but sexy images on it. He then flipped to a channel where PASSIONS's theme song was playing — and what sounded like an orgy was going on. "Good God, who comes up with this stuff?" Julian wondered. "There's got to be some reclusive hack with too much time on his hands." (HA!) Later, he had another dream in which Esme, Eve and Rebecca dressed as DYNASTY characters (complete with shoulder pads!) had a catfight over Julian, then all ended up smothering him with kisses. He resigned himself to dying since he couldn't get sex off of his mind.

Outside of Pretty's hospital room, Luis assured Fancy that even thought Pretty was pregnant, Fancy was still the most important woman in his life. Still, Fancy was annoyed when Pretty began discussing her plans to have a nursery built for the baby. Fancy accused her of using the baby to break up Fancy and Luis, but Pretty denied it. Luis agreed to help Pretty with the nursery, to Fancy's chagrin. Luis didn't think Pretty was manipulating him.

At the Crane mansion, a still-blue Gwen continued to campaign to send Little Ethan to boarding school. Ethan didn't want to send him away, but she put her foot down. Ethan argued that she was overreacting; this just made Gwen angrier. Theresa, disguised as "Gertrude," piped up and said that Gwen couldn't make any decisions for Little E since she's not the boy's mother. Gert added that sending Little E away isn't what his mother would've wanted. Gwen was furious with Gert for butting in, but Ethan appreciated hearing the nanny's opinion. Pilar again sensed that "Gertrude" seemed to be familiar.... Gwen complained to Rebecca about Gertrude. Rebecca revealed that she'd slept with Dr. Spears, the child psychologist Gwen had hired to convince Ethan that Little E needed to be sent to boarding school. Meanwhile, Ethan wondered to Pilar if the boy really had behavioral problems. Pilar advised him to follow his instincts. She prepared to tell Ethan the truth about being Little E's biological father, but Gertrude interrupted them. A thrilled Pilar then realized that Gertrude was actually Theresa.

At the hospital, Julian slept. Esme went to visit him, but not before treating herself to some booze. Viki arrived and Esme tried to explain Julian's condition: that he can't get erect without dying. Viki regretted not killing Julian "when [she] whacked his wanker off," but had hope that he'd get turned on in his sleep and die, thanks to her messing with his meds. She and Esme went to get a snack, then returned and found Julian getting erect. "Shades of Bruce Willis!" cried Esme. "Julian is gonna die hard." He awakened and yowled in pain. Esme dumped cold water on him, which seemed to do the trick. Later, Esme returned dressed as an elderly lady so she wouldn't turn him on. She kept him company and literally read the phone book to him. Viki continued to plot against Crane. As Esme went to leave the room, Viki "accidentally" got her aunt to lose her outfit so that she was standing there in her underwear. Julian began to rise... complete with a sound effect!

At Tabitha's, Norma and Edna made a surprise appearance. Tabby came downstairs all dressed up and the ladies asked if the witch was going on a date with a particular suitor who's a horror character. They also wondered if the witch was responsible for all of the "strange" things going on around town — like a chicken laying a hard-boiled egg. Tabitha denied it, but became alarmed when Norma read about a cat giving birth to a litter of puppies. Tabitha got out her "Book of Disasters." "Is that what NBC used to determine their programming?" Norma cracked. They hoped that disaster wasn't coming to Harmony. Tabby became concerned as she read about a corpse that dug through his grave. She later realized that evil was indeed coming to town.

Pretty and Sheridan plotted to keep Luis and Fancy from being happy together. Sheridan hoped Pretty would break them up so then she could get Pretty out of the way and move in on Luis herself. Later, Sheridan and Pretty spied on Luis and Fancy as they had sex. The ladies then planned to release bats in the couple's room, but when they entered, the pair was gone. The bats then escaped and chased Pretty and Sheridan. Meanwhile, Luis covered Fancy's eyes and surprised her with a romantic dinner set up in a hotel room.

At the Crane mansion, Pilar was thrilled to learn that "Gertrude" was an alive Theresa. Theresa explained how she'd escaped from Mexico and took the job as the nanny. She warned her mom that everyone, including Ethan, would be in danger if the truth about her being alive came out. Meanwhile in Mexico, Juanita skulked about as she vowed revenge on Pilar and her family. She was interrupted when a cop held a gun at her. He prepared to arrest her, but she kicked the gun out of his hand and ran off... Gwen took Ethan up to their bedroom in the manse and seduced him, but he couldn't get his mind off of Theresa. Pilar and Theresa vowed to stop Gwen from causing any more problems for their family. Pilar was concerned that Ethan would soon catch on to the fact that Gertrude is Theresa. (Obviously Pilar doesn't know Ethan very well!) Anyway, Pilar thought that Theresa should leave Harmony so she could stay safe. Theresa promised to be careful... In Mexico, Juanita was finally arrested.

Julian was shocked when Norma and Edna — dressed in candy striper uniforms — paid him a visit. Turns out, Esme invited them. Norma and Edna looked forward to "entertaining" him. "Whatever they do, you make sure you don't get an erection," Esme instructed. "Somehow I'm not worried, Julian replied. Norma and Edna then performed a strip tease for him. Julian looked terrified and begged them to stop.

At the Crane mansion, Theresa and Pilar discussed the dangers of Theresa being alive. Theresa felt bad that she still had to pretend to be Gertrude the nanny and feared Gwen would steal Ethan from her. Ethan walked in as he overheard "Gertrude" mention that she was keeping a secret. Gert came up with a lame topic that they were discussing. She then encouraged Ethan to fantasize about how he'd react if Theresa returned from the dead, but Pilar stopped him. Ethan replied that thinking of Theresa made him feel close to her. To herself, Theresa promised to make his dream a reality. Later, Theresa became frustrated at having to keep her secret, and prayed for a miracle. Soon after, they got a call that Juanita had been captured. Still, Theresa wasn't ready to tell Ethan the truth about her being alive because she wanted to prepare a romantic scenario for him. After, Pilar handed Ethan a note that a mystery person wanted to meet him in one of the spare bedrooms. Theresa lit a fire in the room's fireplace and made it look very romantic.

In her kitchen, Tabitha tried to figure out what evil was coming to Harmony. Kay and Paloma interrupted. Paloma admitted that she had feelings for Noah and Roberto. When sparks flew out of Tabby's book, Paloma wondered what was going on. Soon, Noah and Roberto arrived. Kay took Paloma aside and admitted that she was miserable when she was caught between Miguel and Fox; she urged Paloma to just enjoy life with Noah. Later, Tabitha told Kay that she truly hoped Kay and Miguel would make it as a married couple, but to herself, Tabitha didn't think they'd be happy. Meanwhile, Noah insisted to Paloma that they were meant to be together. Paloma agreed to go on a short vacation out of town with Noah, but something zapped her and she kissed Roberto. Noah was devastated when he caught them together. Paloma broke down, not understanding why she'd kissed the other man. Noah demanded that Roberto go outside with him... In the kitchen, Kay tried on her wedding dress. A force then zapped it and the dress caught fire. "Evil is here!" Tabitha thought.

In the hotel room, Fancy was touched to see Luis arranged to have champagne and flowers for her. Luis again assured Fancy that he loves her and not Pretty. He then proposed to her, but she surprisingly turned him down. She assumed that he was only proposing because he felt bad for her regarding the Pretty situation. Luis explained that he wanted to wed her because he loved her — and then called Fancy an idiot. (Way to go, Luis.) He then offered to get a tattoo saying, "Luis loves Fancy," but she told him that that wasn't necessary. A contrite Fancy asked him to start again with what he was saying. He agreed and re-proposed. This time, Fancy happily accepted. Meanwhile, Sheridan and Pretty searched for them. Sheridan concluded that they were at a nearby inn. The ladies entered and quietly went upstairs, and stood outside Luis and Fancy's room. Pretty screamed when she overheard the proposal.

PASSIONS takes a break on Thursdays and Fridays. Recaps will resume on Monday.

PASSIONS takes a break on Thursdays and Fridays. Recaps will resume on Monday.