At the hospital, Julian screamed as he awakened in his bed. Sam, Ivy, Esme, Eve and a disguised Vincent rushed in and he began to whimper. He then began shrieking. "You turned his Magic Johnson into an upside-down Slim Jim," Vincent gleefully whispered to Eve. "It's on backwards!" Julian finally yelled in disgust. "And Little Julian is... really little!" Esme was devastated. "Size doesn't matter; it's what you do with it," she said brightly. "Oh, we all know that's a lie," she sighed. "If it wasn't, Catherine The Great would've raised chipmunks." Eve 'fessed up to being the one that botched the surgery, which infuriated Julian. He threatened legal action, as well as performing an ancient torture on Eve, but "Nurse" Vincent defended Eve by pointing out that she saved Julian's life. Crane was not placated. Eve assured him that he'd be getting more surgery and urged him to get some rest. "How can I rest when my penis is looking the wrong way?" he moaned. Sam was determined to find out who the attacker was. Viki feared that Julian would name her as his stabber, but Crane couldn't recall the details. "I'm so lucky he's old; he'll never remember anything," Viki thought. Julian then said "Viki." Uh-oh.

At the Crane mansion, Gwen pleaded her case to Ethan about why Little Ethan should go to boarding school. Ethan didn't think it was a good idea. Gwen was determined to send Little E away so Ethan would forget about anything having to do with Theresa. Upstairs, Pilar and Paloma caught "Gertrude" emerging from the shower. "Theresa?" asked Pilar and Paloma, as Gert turned her back to them. Little E covered and insisted that it was his new nanny, but Pilar believed it was her daughter and demanded that Gert turn around. Gertrude wouldn't and stated that Pilar had the wrong person. An embarrassed Pilar apologized as Theresa made a hasty exit. She soon returned in her nanny get-up. Pilar was suspicious when Gertrude called the kids "hers." Gert explained that she's just the type of nanny who becomes close to the children. Pilar was touched by this statement. Later, Ethan reconsidered and reluctantly decided to go along with Gwen's plan to send Little E to school. Little E was horrified, which made Ethan change his mind and say he could stay in Harmony.

At the hospital, Viki feared that Julian would expose her as his attacker, but he couldn't recall who'd stabbed him. Sam prodded him and Julian named Viki. Julian explained that he wasn't accusing Viki; he just spied her coming into the room. Vincent, disguised as the nurse, notice how scared Viki had appeared and wondered what she was hiding. Julian then wondered how he was supposed to urinate without being able to "aim." "My 'little Vincent' can do some amazing tricks," Vincent proudly thought to himself." Sam demanded that Eve stop referring to Julian's penis as "Little Julian." Esme was optimistic that his messed-up member would be fixed. Viki still planned to kill Julian and Little Julian. After, Eve and the "nurse" helped Julian stand so he could attempt peeing. He tried to get it into a bedpan, but ended up spraying Eve and Vincent instead. And yes, PASSIONS actually went there and showed the spray. Yuck! Sam, Viki, Esme and Ivy then entered and were also peed on. Vincent was angry when Eve made him mop up after his father. Eve then told the real nurse (not Vincent) to make sure Julian be given meds to prevent him from getting an erection — because it could kill him. "Death by erection, how appropriate," thought Viki as she overheard them. Later, when the real nurse answered a phone call, Viki snatched his "anti-erection" pills and schemed on how she could get Julian turned on. After, she urged her Aunt Esme to make Julian feel "manly." Esme agreed and changed into "something more comfortable.".... Eve believed that someone had a vendetta against Julian.... Esme entered Julian's room and spoke to him a baby voice. She then removed her pink trench coat to reveal sexy lingerie and performed a sexy dance for him.

At the Crane mansion, Fancy called Luis, wondering why he'd suddenly bailed on her. Meanwhile, Luis rushed to the hospital to stop Pretty from getting an abortion. When he arrived, Sheridan told him it was too late. "You killed our baby!" Luis yelled at Pretty.... Fancy went to find Luis. On her way, out, Little Ethan thanked her for giving him a chemistry set. Ethan recalled how Fox had a set like that and blew up something on the Crane property with it.... At the hospital, Luis was relieved when Pretty revealed that she decided to keep their baby. Fancy arrived and Sheridan told her that she'd lost Luis forever. Fancy was devastated when she peered into Pretty's room and so Luis and Pretty hugging, but remained confident that Luis was still hers. Meanwhile, Luis told Pretty that she and the baby are the most important things in the world to him.

Also at the manse, Gwen and Pilar argued over Gwen's insistence that Little Ethan be sent to boarding school. Theresa, in Gertrude mode, listened with interest, as Pilar told Gwen that no matter what Gwen did, Ethan would still be Little E's father. Gwen stated that she just wanted what was best for the boy. Gertrude sided with Ethan and Pilar about not sending away Little E. Gwen told Gert to butt out. Later, Gwen took a nice bubble bath while Ethan and Pilar debated whether to send Little E to school. Pilar thanked Gertrude for standing up to Gwen and said that she felt like she knew Gertrude from somewhere.... Theresa went back downstairs and spent time with Little E as he played with his chem set. She assured him that he wouldn't be sent away... Little E sneaked into the bathroom and poured chemicals into Gwen's bubbles. Since she had cucumbers over her eyes, she didn't see him enter and quickly leave.... Gertrude pointed out to Ethan that all of the Crane children went to boarding school and they all came back messed up. Pilar blurted out that Little E should be near his father. She amended that she meant he'd be Little E's adoptive father, but that either way, the boy shouldn't go to school. Gertrude advised him to "trust his heart." Ethan decided to not send Little E to school. Gwen then emerged from the bathroom, her skin dyed blue. "Help me, Papa Smurf, help me!" Little E cackled to himself.

At the hospital, Vincent giggled as Eve explained that Julian could die if he had an erection. "You mean he could die if the happy place gets happy... if his general stands at attention?" said Vincent, which disgusted Eve. Meanwhile, a clueless Esme stripped for Julian, who was getting turned on — though he couldn't quite figure out how to, well, operate. Esme suggested he turn on his side to get it to point in the right direction. Viki watched from outside his hospital room, hoping Julian would die. Vincent continued to joke about Julian. "Can you imagine what they'd put on his death certificate? 'Death by horndog?' " "You're sick," Eve spat. "I'm your pregnant son carrying his daddy's baby. That doesn't do much for a normal psyche," Vincent retorted. Ha! Meanwhile, a turned-on Julian began to yowl in pain as Esme seduced him. He begged her to stop, but she thought he was just playing hard-to-get (well, technically he was). Eventually his eyes rolled back in his head and Esme screamed for a doctor. Eve rushed in, alarmed, and explained to Esme how Julian can't have an erection. Esme gave him three unattractive images to focus on as Eve gave him medication and tried to force his penis down. Julian continued to scream in pain until it finally "fell." "Timber!" Esme yelled, relieved. Julian was upset when Eve told him that he can't get excited — or else he'll die.

Also at the hospital, Luis continued to be there for Pretty and their "baby," while Sheridan warned Fancy that she'd lost Luis forever. Fancy was devastated to see Luis and Pretty bonding. After Luis stepped out, Sheridan applauded Pretty for finding a way to win over Luis, and called her niece a "true Crane." Pretty noted that breaking up Luis and Fancy works to both her and Sheridan's advantage. Meanwhile, Luis explained to Fancy that he was buttering up Pretty so she wouldn't get an abortion. Fancy still believed that her sister was coming between them.

At the Crane mansion, Gwen emerged from the bath to find that her skin was dyed blue. She went into hysterics, but Ethan and Pilar laughed at her. Gwen blamed Little Ethan for her predicament and vowed he'd pay. Theresa (as Gertrude) chuckled quietly over what her son had done. Gwen wanted to send Little E to military school immediately. Ethan actually stood up to her and refused. After, he and "Gertrude" continued to bond as he shared how close he feels to Little E.... Gwen became upset as she spied her reflection in the mirror. "Oh God, I look like the girl from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," she moaned. She dug around Little E's room and came across the chemistry set — which was covered in blue fingerprints. Busted!

PASSIONS takes a break on Thursdays and Fridays. Check back on Monday for the latest recap!

PASSIONS takes a break on Thursdays and Fridays. Check back on Monday for the latest recap!